Francis and Families: 27th Sunday OT

I went to a funeral Friday to pray with a friend whose grandfather has died, and she said a few words about him. One thing that really stuck with me was when she spoke of her admiration of him, as a little girl and throughout life, the way he could work on things and tinker and fix them. She spoke of this as actually being a really important life lesson: that when things get broken, we fix them. We don’t just throw them away. And that lesson about material things carried over, she said, to their family, and it was an even more important lesson when it came to family relationships. When things get broken, we don’t throw them away. We fix them.

When Pope Francis came to our country, he had an impressive schedule. The White House, Congress, the United Nations. But when he spoke of the primary reason for his visit, it wasn’t those things. It was the family. And he originally scheduled his visit to attend the World Meeting of Families. The White House and Congress and United Nations were worth a side trip, but the Pope came to speak to families. He spent more time with them than anywhere else. And if you watch his speeches and homilies, it was there that he was most passionate and animated.

Last Saturday night he pulled what has become a signature move, and set down his script. He looked out over all the families gathered there in Philadelphia, and he spoke spontaneously and from the heart. It was my favorite thing he said all week. It was the most animated and passionate that we saw him all week. I wanted to quote some of it, but I ran into a problem: I can’t find a place to stop. Paragraph after paragraph I look at what’s next and think, “Oh, I have to quote this too!” So settle in; I’m just going to lay it on you. This is part - a big part - of what he said:
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Once, a boy asked me — you know that children ask hard questions — he asked me, "Father, what did God do before He created the world?" I can tell you that it was hard for me to come up with an answer. I told him what I’m saying now to you. Before creating the world, God loved, because God is love. But there was so much love that He had within Himself, this love between the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit, it was so great, so overflowing that — I don’t know if this is very theological, but you’ll understand what I mean — it was so great that He couldn't be egotistical. He had to come out of Himself so as to have that which He could love outside of Himself.

"And there God created the world. There God made this marvel in which we live and, since we’re a little mixed up, we are destroying it. But the most beautiful thing that God made, the Bible says, was the family. He created man and woman, and He gave them everything. He gave them the world! Grow, multiply, cultivate the earth, make it produce, make it grow. He presented to a family all of the love that He made in this marvelous creation.

"Let’s go back a bit. All of the love that God has in Himself, all of the beauty that God has in Himself, all of the truth that God has in Himself, He gives to the family. And a family is truly a family when it is able to open its arms and receive all of this love.

"Obviously, earthly paradise is here no longer. Life has its problems. Men, because of the devil’s astuteness, learned to have divisions among themselves. And all of this love that God had given was nearly lost. And shortly thereafter, the first crime, the first fratricide. A brother kills another brother: war. The love, the beauty, and the truth of God — and the destruction of war. And between these two poles, we walk today. We have to decide. We have to decide on which path to walk.

"But let’s go back. When the man and his wife made the mistake and distanced themselves from God, God did not leave them alone. There was so much love, so much love that He began to walk with humanity. He began to walk with His people, until the fullness of time arrived, and He gave the greatest sign of His love, His Son.

"And His Son, where did He send Him? To a palace? To a city, to start a business? He sent Him to a family! God came into the world in a family.

"And he was able to do this because this family was a family that had its heart open to love, that had the doors open to love. Let’s think of Mary, this young woman. She couldn’t believe it. "How can this be?" And when it was explained to her, she obeyed. Let’s think of Joseph, full of dreams to form a household. He finds himself with this surprise that he doesn’t understand. He accepts. He obeys. And in the obedience of love of this woman, Mary, and of this man, Joseph, a family is created into which comes God. 

"God always knocks at the door of hearts. He likes to do this. It comes from His heart. But, do you know what He likes best? To knock on the doors of families and find families that are united, to find families that love each other, to find the families that bring up their children and educate them and help them to keep going forward and that create a society of goodness, of truth, and of beauty.

"We are in the Festival of Families. The family has a divine passport, is that clear? The passport that a family has is issued it by God, so that within its heart, truth, love, and beauty would grow more and more. 

"Sure, one of you could say to me, "Father, you speak this way because you’re single." In families, there are difficulties. In families, we argue; in families, sometimes the plates fly; in families, the children give us headaches. And I’m not even going to mention the mother-in-law. But in families, there is always, always, the cross. Always. Because the love of God, of the Son of God, also opened for us this path. But, in families as well, after the cross, there is the resurrection. Because the Son of God opened for us this path. Because of this, the family is — forgive the term I’ll use — it is a factory of hope, of hope of life and of resurrection. God was the one who opened this path."
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Today’s readings speak of both the glory and the challenges of families, just like the Pope did. It’s clear from the beginning that family life is not just something that evolved randomly, and it’s not something that was invented by cultures and societies. It’s God’s idea. Actually, it’s not just God’s idea — it’s God’s image! God is a family. And so it was not good for man, his image and likeness, to be alone. I would say — isn’t this true? — that before Eve, Adam was not God’s image and likeness. God is relationship, community, love. Adam, in original solitude, can’t reflect that. But then God crowns His creation; then Adam beholds the highest and best flowering of God’s superabundant creative grace, and “Here!”, he says, “is bone from my bones, and flesh from my flesh!” And the two become one, and nine months later the two become three, and the image of God walks the earth.

We have difficulties today talking about the family. One difficulty is that many of our contemporaries no longer believe in our creation as male and female, as two distinct halves of humanity that, in our difference, together make the image of God. The whole amazing mystery and poetry between the sexes has, for them, totally collapsed. This is because, in large part, of the sin of sexism. We’ve so often seen the difference used for injustice, that the only solution seems like abolishing the difference. But this we cannot do. We were created male and female, and the difference is expressed in our bodies, but it is also in our souls. It’s not about whether you prefer toy tractors or barbie dolls, blue or pink, or whatever. It’s something much deeper than that. And I think it’s fair that we admit we aren’t actually very good at explaining it. Just try sometime, and see how far you get. Someone might say men have more of a warrior spirit, while women have more of a nurturing spirit. I don’t want to be standing too close when you tell that to Saint Joan of Arc. But still, maybe there’s some truth there? But you see my point… we haven’t learned to describe it well. Theology develops in response to questions, and these questions haven’t been asked this way before. Our ancestors don’t seem to have bothered with these questions, but a lot of people are asking them now. We have a great beginning in John Paul the Great’s Theology of the Body. It is brilliant and inspiring and beautiful and magnificent, so it's a good beginning. Others are trying, and I think the Holy Spirit will work in the Church to help us find better ways of talking about what it means to be created male and female in the image of God. But in the meantime, it’s even more important that we be about the business of living as the image of God, as one humanity expressed in two keys, one poem with two stanzas, the most captivating and beautiful and exasperating and confusing and wonderful two-note harmony in all the universe.

I was talking about difficulties we have today in speaking about family, and there’s another big one. It’s that not all our families match up to what we think of as the ideal, or our vocation in life isn’t the vocation of married life with children. And we feel compassion, and we don’t want to make anyone feel excluded or judged or sad. But here’s the thing: there is no ideal family. Every family has its challenges. We don’t do people favors by pretending that the challenges aren’t challenges. And we’ll do a lot of harm if we stop striving for the ideal just because not everyone makes it. Of course we don’t. That’s why we call it the ideal. But my best friend in high school who grew up without his Dad… can you really look him in the eye and say that’s not a loss? Is that compassion? No, it’s a lie, and a hurtful lie. Real compassion is when we reach out to help each other — when we reach out to help each other! — in all our particular struggles and challenges, not when we pretend they don’t matter.

And by the way, this is one of the times I’m grateful for the witness of celibacy. Because nobody can tell me I don’t appreciate the diversity of vocations, that there’s many ways to live fatherhood and motherhood, that there are many forms of committed loving Christian service. We aren’t all called to the same kind of family. But you know what? We all came from families, and we are all called to support and build families.

That’s a lot of talk about challenges, but it’s precisely the challenges of family life that make it so glorious. Christianity is for people who want to die for others, to die for love. Families do that every day. Family life is a school of virtue that rips out selfishness and egotism. It teaches humility and patience, it teaches us to get over ourselves, it teaches a sense of humor. It’s where we learn what it means to enter the Kingdom of Heaven like a child… admitting that we need each other, that we aren’t sufficient unto ourselves. Depending on our families teaches us how much we depend on God.

Lou Holtz tells a joke about a guy who’s looking for a parking space, he’s running late, he’s desperate. He prays, “God just give me a parking space and I’ll… I’ll start going to church, I’ll quit drinking too much, I’ll start giving away money to the poor, just, please, I need to get this car parked…” and right then, right in front of him, a car pulled out of a perfect spot. And he said, “never mind God, I found one.”

We’re good at telling God when we’re in need. We’re not always so quick to acknowledge His hand holding us up, getting us through, leading us home. Over and over again we drop into the fantasy that we’re remotely sufficient unto ourselves. We need that childlike spirit… trusting, humble, willing to ask, learning to be grateful, learning to be unselfish. And learning that some things can never be let go of — no matter how broken they become, we fix them.

Comments

  1. Beautifully said....everything goes back to family and God is the Center. Loved it!

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